End
of April, 2016

Back
on track with the ‘normal’ yawn stuff again, and I’m glad to see the
end of April AND good job I don’t have dementia or things might be
confusing, oh no, I do, and they are!

So
the weekend just went. Where it went who knows. What it was like,
again who knows but certainly not me and Monday went exactly the same
way. Up in the puff of smoke that had menacingly followed me around
since Friday. The only thought and feeling about the weekend that
really stuck with me was that each night had been very disturbed by a
pain in my left side seemingly every time I turned in my sleep. A few
times I awoke with a yelp but settled again. By resting much of the
time , torture for me, it did seem to improve slightly. Monday night
was really bad and mostly sleepless until exhaustion hit and by the
time the alarm went off to alert me of the impending CST session, I
was actually pleased that I did not have to try and sleep any more.
It had been 1 of those well known nights where you are over tired and
there are no comfortable positions to be found. The journey to the
session was painful both physically and mentally/emotionally as I had
to keep with small breaths to stop my chest expanding much which was
painful but also screaming kids strapped in buggies broke any chance
of a peaceful trip. I honestly like children but my view seems to be
changing as fast as the weather or maybe it is just the parenting
that I have issue with now.

The
session was extra long and extra painful especially attempting to do
the usual exercises and catching the ball for my favourite bit was
difficult. I drew out a question about the weirdest stuff you have
ever eaten which is an interesting question and gave me the chance to
tell a story. Even Mrs Chatterbox kept quiet! I was in Paris with 2
work colleagues from the Italian office and we went to eat in a
Russian restaurant. None of us spoke any Russian. Non of us spoke
much French, I knew little Italian and they had little English. The
waiter presumably did Russian and French. We ended up just all
pointing at different dishes on the menu, not knowing what they were
and unable to get any meaningful description. The meal was mostly
unidentified raw fish and colourful veggies but tasted great.

The
activities we did (back in the CST group now, not activities in the
restaurant) were so mundane today that my mind stayed focussed on
pain rather than the job in hand. Hats off to the facilitators who
tried very hard to get us designing and making book markers with a
very limited set of resources. My bookmark was a rather hacked up map
of Kent where I just kept the places of interest that I want to visit
someday with my mate bus pass. By the end of to-days session and in
so much discomfort I had no choice but go to the doctors and just sit
there until a gap could be found to see me. No complaints (well why
go to the doctors then????), they found a gap and I got seen. I
always seem to be treated well at the surgery, maybe there is a note
on my records that says ‘difficult bugger handle with care’. It would
appear that at some time, probably Saturday but who knows, I had a
fall, which I do not recall in any way, and have damaged a couple of
lower left ribs and my right ankle. As has been pointed out in a TP
comment it is possible my trip was seen by my good friend on the
Friday walk and that is what prompted her concerned comments about me
being ok or not. I was given very strong painkillers, anti
inflammatory tablets and told to rest. Please ignore the ‘rest’ bit
just like I certainly will. Yeah yeah I know it is in my best
interests but my mind set does not have much room for rest. (insert
another digress here lol) My mate Mike who lives downstairs and tends
to keep a watchful but distant eye on me keeps saying that I should
not keep carrying my shopping home and get it delivered as it kills
me each time. I fight back by insisting that during this short time
while I am still capable of doing these things myself I am going to
keep doing these things myself, and the same applies to the
idea/principle of rest. What is the point of taking strong pain
killers and then not enjoying the freedom of movement they allow!!!!!
As it turned out the pain killers took far too long to kick in and my
extreme discomfort even breathing made sure that I stayed in and did
nothing. Ok, happy now? Slept well until overnight the killers wore
off and I again woke with a start. Not the best start to a stressful
day.

Young
guy, nice enough, turned up to do the assessment 1 hour 15 minutes
after the start time stated in the letter. We chatted lots and he was
surprised to find I had been assessed before as recently as December
and he did not have that information. Also, I had sent in with my
application in February copies of care plans, reports, GP letters,
psychiatrist letter, Cognitive Stimulation Therapy invitation letter
etc but he had not seen copies of these. Luckily I had these all to
hand so he was able to see them. Despite these he seemed more
interested in my heart attack 12 years ago and the underactive
thyroid since then. We also discussed my arthritis which I refuse to
let slow me down, we did the standard 6 question memory test and then
some physical???? tests. He left after about 40 minutes saying he
would do what he can????? We will see!

Having
missed this mornings walk due to waiting in to be assessed I was
getting a bit stir crazy by the afternoon and went with neighbour
Dave to the 10 pin bowling. I was, unusually for me, sensible enough
to not even try and lift a ball and just supported/ laughed at the
others while they played. For once I did not come last, but only
just.

Thursday
and by the time I arrived at the Cognitive Stimulation Therapy group
I was bored and wanting to sleep already as it had been another poor
night. Again I was disappointed by the activities but it may just be
me, tiredness and aggressive mood. They are not challenging my mind
enough to keep it from pain and/or dozing. Here we are only a few
hours later and I cannot remember what we did. It’s not the dementia
to blame it is that I cannot be bothered to remember it. Had a calm
‘discussion’!!! with the facilitator I really do not like, about
dementia sufferers ‘forgetting’ what they go upstairs to get. This is
everyone not just dementia sufferers and not just ‘old’ people. My
own experience in my life says I do that at times obviously but when
it is my dementia I do not forget, it is gone. Going calmly back,
having a sit down and it will ‘come back to you’ does not work. Gone
is gone not just miss bloody placed! Sorry, I’m not forgetful, I have
a disease that eats thoughts and memories not just hides them for a
while. Aaaaaaaaaagghhhhh!!!!

At
the end of the session we were told THEY had decided to cancel 1 of
our sessions so that we can attend the local dementia fair. Well how
really lovely and thoughtful of them. I smiled to myself knowing that
it is because of the fuss going on behind the scene with people from
Alzheimer’s Society and the conference organiser contacting them and
pressuring for me. Anyway, however it came to pass it came to pass so
now I do not have to lead the mutiny. We can officially go and enjoy
and benefits. Victory is ours!

Went
into a KFC for the first time in about 6 years. I had seen ads for a
‘take five’ box where you get 5 things for only £3 which seemed a
great way to find out if KFC is still ok. Food great value, spicy and
tasted good but an offer they have tickled me immensely. If you spend
£3 you can get a free chicken stamp to collect and if you spend £15
you get a fantastic whole 2, yes two, chicken stamps. Wow what a
deal!!! 2 whole stamps for only £15. Now I have dementia and my
maths has gone completely to pot but surely you have to be stupid to
not just spend 5 lots of £3 and get 5 stamps for your £15 rather
than 2 or am I even more stupid than I think. Do KFC have such little
regard for the mental capabilities of their customers? Are KFC
customers actually that slow? Hang on, I am a KFC customer or from
now on a KFC ex-customer.

Friday
and I have to admit I was mentally beyond any chance of continued
resting. Even if I did have a carer I would have found some way to
escape and go walking, not wandering, walking. I got the bus to the
Friday group (is that ok? Bike stayed at home) and carefully paced
myself by falling further and further back through the group as we
went. It gave me the chance to talk with people I usually only see in
the library afterwards or at a distance during the walking. I was
breathless and uncomfortable by the time we finished (deserved that).
I think it was too much talking rather than walking! The rest of
Friday, went. The whole of Saturday followed the end of Friday and
just went. I know that some time was spent examining TP and the
misleading stats they put against blog entries. If you believe the
statistics given under ‘blog settings’ then ‘blog statistics’ you get
a very, hugely very, different view of how many people visit. In my
blog about blogging I used the view figures to come to the conclusion
that only 20 people looked at the blog which then led me to think not
many people are interested so maybe I should not continue. BUT, on
further investigation, looking at the actual blog screen rather than
the statistics (obvious, why would you look at statistics?) the real
view figures average close to 200 every time, so people ARE
interested. Good job I do not have a mental disorder like dementia or
something because then the Alzheimer Society website statistics would
be confusing?

All
this means is sorry but I will keep posting my adventures. And 1 more
thing, just want to ask what is it with you guys, I thought the last
blog about blogging was boring and statistical yet you still loved
it. Are you sure you actually read what I write???? lol. I have a
growing feeling that something about this weekend is going to come
back and bite me later? We will see!

Wayne
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